Thursday, September 20, 2012
100wc
We were just sitting down for dinner when.... our dog starts barking. I look out the window and see a weird looking shadow. I step outside the door. I can hear rustling in the bushes. My heart is pounding out of my ears. I take a peep around the corner of the house. I see the mysterious shadow again. All of the sudden the trash can tips over. I try not to make a sound. If it's a monster it might come after me. I might be it's meal. I start creeping forward again. Deep breathes. I look in the trash and it's a cat. Not so scary.
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Fantastic suspense, it really hooked me in. Great sentence lengths, they made your writing really interesting. My advice would be to keep adding descriptive words.
ReplyDeleteThanks Room1. I will take your advice on adding desciptive words.
DeleteLaura
Great story Laura!
ReplyDeleteI like the suspense and eeriness to it.
Well done, I might write one as well.
-Michaela
Hi I am Josh from Biggin Hill Primary what is your best sport.
DeleteHi Josh, Biggin Hill Primary.
DeleteMy favorite sport is Cricket. It is a enjoyable sport for both boys and girls.
-Michaela, St Mary's Mosgiel
Great story Laura!
ReplyDeleteGreat story and suspence.
Well done.
-Nikolas
Hi I'm JJ from biggin hill priary school and I cnt wait to chat and that is a really good story.
ReplyDeleteGreat story I like the suspence and the short scentences you used by Tom. :)
ReplyDeleteHi there,
ReplyDeleteI'm Oliver from Biggin Hill Primary,nice poem Lauara quite creepy at the biggining and it's funny at the end!:)
Really good story fantastic suspence good work laura
ReplyDelete-Reece
Hi Im George from Biggin Hill Primary school I like the story it is funny I liked it I am looking forward to looking more at your school
ReplyDeletegeorge
Hello im Josh G from BHPS just to say cool milk bott;e igloo> :)
ReplyDeleteGreat story Laura.
ReplyDeleteFrom Harry
Biggin Hill
I love your story Laura
ReplyDeleteGreat story.Amazing suspence to such a simple thing like that!
ReplyDeleteGreat story Laura. I Liked the suspense.
ReplyDeletehi great story really good description.
ReplyDelete