We were just sitting down for dinner when.... our dog starts barking. I look out the window and see a weird looking shadow. I step outside the door. I can hear rustling in the bushes. My heart is pounding out of my ears. I take a peep around the corner of the house. I see the mysterious shadow again. All of the sudden the trash can tips over. I try not to make a sound. If it's a monster it might come after me. I might be it's meal. I start creeping forward again. Deep breathes. I look in the trash and it's a cat. Not so scary.
Fantastic suspense, it really hooked me in. Great sentence lengths, they made your writing really interesting. My advice would be to keep adding descriptive words.
Fantastic suspense, it really hooked me in. Great sentence lengths, they made your writing really interesting. My advice would be to keep adding descriptive words.
ReplyDeleteThanks Room1. I will take your advice on adding desciptive words.
DeleteLaura
Great story Laura!
ReplyDeleteI like the suspense and eeriness to it.
Well done, I might write one as well.
-Michaela
Hi I am Josh from Biggin Hill Primary what is your best sport.
DeleteHi Josh, Biggin Hill Primary.
DeleteMy favorite sport is Cricket. It is a enjoyable sport for both boys and girls.
-Michaela, St Mary's Mosgiel
Great story Laura!
ReplyDeleteGreat story and suspence.
Well done.
-Nikolas
Hi I'm JJ from biggin hill priary school and I cnt wait to chat and that is a really good story.
ReplyDeleteGreat story I like the suspence and the short scentences you used by Tom. :)
ReplyDeleteHi there,
ReplyDeleteI'm Oliver from Biggin Hill Primary,nice poem Lauara quite creepy at the biggining and it's funny at the end!:)
Really good story fantastic suspence good work laura
ReplyDelete-Reece
Hi Im George from Biggin Hill Primary school I like the story it is funny I liked it I am looking forward to looking more at your school
ReplyDeletegeorge
Hello im Josh G from BHPS just to say cool milk bott;e igloo> :)
ReplyDeleteGreat story Laura.
ReplyDeleteFrom Harry
Biggin Hill
I love your story Laura
ReplyDeleteGreat story.Amazing suspence to such a simple thing like that!
ReplyDeleteGreat story Laura. I Liked the suspense.
ReplyDeletehi great story really good description.
ReplyDelete